The authors interviewed 956 women, 161 of whom went on to give birth, and 15 of whom chose adoption. Most adoption agencies specialize in infant adoptions. rosemow Posts: 155,648 Member. Oh, I am super fertile at seventeen but at 26 with a degree and the house and the husband-- I can't get pregnant. 4 Myths of Why ‘Giving a Child Up’ for Adoption is Bad Placing a child for adoption may be the perfect solution for your unplanned pregnancy. As a woman who has given up her daughter for adoption, absolutely yes. I'm just afraid of how I will feel afterwards, and if my baby will ever forgive me. I think about him every day. Also that all bio moms were coerced and tricked into giving up their child. I feel the exact same way. I can't imagine going through that, your ex-husband is a douche for putting you through a charade/living a lie. I'll try to dig for that story see if it will help. Press J to jump to the feed. I was in a discussion and adoption came up and someone mentioned they believe adoption to be a form of punishment for the child. But knowing that giving a baby up for adoption is the best choice for all concerned doesnât mean that a teen mother wonât struggle to cope with the loss of her child. If you are pregnant, you will typically not give consent until the child has been safely delivered. How Adoption Works. A lot. Also that all bio moms were coerced and tricked into giving up their child. It was so hard on me. You know what? How the process works In terms of section 233(4) of the Childrenâs Act 38 of 2005, a person must prove that he or she was counselled by an adoption social worker before signing permission for the adoption. And she died last year with a nice motorcycle, two dogs, a husband, and a shitload of friends. Facing a cruel irony is difficult. I gave up my son when he was almost 2. No regrets. I got pregnant the first time I ever had sex (yeah) and immediately tried to get an abortion. Dear God, I often browse the internet in a very septic, unfeeling way but ^^THAT? Without any confromation or even seeing her face she knew that was her daughter. Did they encourage it? If the decision is made because you feel that you should parent the child instead of the adoptive parents then you will simply retain parental rights, but if the decision is made because you feel as though the Adopting Parents are not right for you and your child, then your adoption professional should be notified so that you can discuss further options. The selfless gift of giving your baby a better life through different parents is not giving up on your baby. But we had already made plans. As an adopted child trust me when I say that you would mean so so much to them. Some people claim that I simply made my choice out of grief, and I get why they think that. January 2019. My mother gave up a son she had between my brother and I. I think she regrets that she found out to late to have an abortion more than she regrets giving him up. He loves to draw, play guitar and skate. There are many ways to avoid getting pregnant safely and effectively. Was this child the youngest and your grandmother didn't think your mom could handle another child? He likes to read and plays soccer- he dad coaches his team and his mom bakes cookies for him to bring to school on his birthday. She asked if I would consider giving the new baby up for adoption. When I found out I was pregnant, I thought it was too late for an abortion. I think he's happy. OMG! That sounds horrendously painful. That wasn't what he expected. I knew I couldn't raise a child on my own so my foster parents set up a closed adoption with some family friends. Placing a child for adoption is a difficult decision and it takes time. You did the best you could for your children. And there was a sparkly family waiting in the hall, with a nursery painted and college degrees and a car seat to bring him home in. When youâre ready, an adoption professional will help you create an adoption plan, which will guide you through the next steps of your adoption. We met in the park and they left that day with my son. All of which felt cruel. A woman giving up a baby for adoption in California is doing anything but giving up on that baby. But no matter what challenges you are facing, it is important to always keep your child’s safety and wellbeing in mind. I put a baby up for adoption almost 2 years ago. This was after a long process of trying and fertility treatments. She took care of him for 6 weeks before putting him up for adoption. I feel that this is one of the best/positive stories in this thread. Here, learn how your religion views adoption so you can decide if itâs the right choice for you and your The waiting period can be as short as 12 hours or up to 15 days. By Sally A Collins | Submitted On July 08, 2010. I gave up my son for adoption. amorvida Posts: 498 Member. Less and less every day though. Choosing adoption is often at all I’ll never stop getting justice boners from reading the comments on that post. The assumption is that if you are willing to give your child up, you must lack empathy or mental health or some other important quality. Giving up a baby for adoption is never an easy choice. Placing a child for adoption is a difficult decision and it takes time. Please please please be respectful of others' decisions. She ran away to California to have him and he was born with a heart defect. Learn more about placing your child for adoption as a pregnant We all think that adoption is an incredibly expensive process, costing tens of thousands of dollars. There is prabably some case where the bio mom was coerced to give up the child, but it's mostly the ones who wanted to abort I think... And I'm pretty sure I saw a few women on this sub who had giving up their baby and not regret it. I'd like to believe kids given up for adoption will get awesome, sunny lives, but I guess it doesn't always work out that way. I was happy to do it because it was absolutely the right thing to do... for both of us. My son was 9 months old when my husband told me he was gay and left me. He may wonder what I am like and what it would have been like to grow up knowing me... but it is better that it didn't happen. I don't want to give my daughter up for adoption but it seems like everyone around me is telling me i should look into it and really consider it. Not only that, but maybe our marriage would repair itself, our daughter can have a better undivided life, and But now it will never be. So I've been posting more on r_adoption (im adopted) and there they would lead you to believe that every bio mom cries herself to sleep tonight because they gave up their child. Now they have 2 kids adopted from the same Bio parents. Discussion and links of interest to childfree individuals. Giving an older child up for adoption may be a much more difficult transition for the child than it would be if he or she were younger. I never sit around pining for him or crying about it. Rascal Flatts member Jay DeMarcus is opening up about giving his first child up for adoption.. How to “Give a Baby Up” for Adoption; Why Adoption Isn’t “Giving Up” Making Your Adoption Plan continues to be used time and time again in adoption circles. A few years later she started having more kids with my dad, and i know she felt guilty having all of us and knowing there was another one out there. I had already had one child. I don't think she regrets her decision, she did what she thought would be best for him, she was in no position to take care of a sick child, when she was just a child herself. I was very relieved that I managed to get rid of it so easily without having to pawn it off on family members or do something illegal. Is there a mod for being able to put your baby up for adoption. Giving Baby Up for Adoption - Articles "Giving a Baby Up" for Adoption is Giving an Incredible Life [Here's Why] 30 Reasons Why Women "Give a Child Up" for Adoption Why You Shouldn't Say "Give Up for Adoption" Benefits of Adoption 8 Important Adoption Rights You'll Have as a Birth Mother When Can You "Give a Child Up" for Adoption? Giving a child up for adoption can be one of the most loving decisions you can make for your child. Well who would have guessed, less than two weeks later my mom finds a posting online about a girl who was born in the same place and at the same time as the child my mom had given up. But for many women, placing your child up for adoption into a loving family can offer many benefits for your child. Placing a child up for adoption is one of the hardest decisions a prospective birth mother will ever make. they were very young and are no longer together but they are very happy he got a good home because they were not ready or able to be parents. I do not feel connected to him whatsoever. Never doubt it. Placing a child for adoption is a very emotional and complicated decision, one that will affect the rest of your life in various ways. I hope that when he is old enough, he decides he wants to meet me. But I pressured him into it. I only ask because something similar happened to my aunt. Giving Baby Up for Adoption - Articles "Giving a Baby Up" for Adoption is Giving an Incredible Life [Here's Why] 30 Reasons Why Women "Give a Child Up" for Adoption Why You Shouldn't Say "Give Up for Adoption" Benefits of Adoption 8 Important Adoption Rights You'll Have as a Birth Mother When Can You "Give a Child Up" for Adoption? Private domestic and international adoption can be a major financial burden. But at the end of the day you really did the right thing in giving your son up for adoption. My second son was born on Christmas of 2011. That's awesome! Whether itâs finances, your relationship with your childâs father, or other personal struggles youâre going through, you arenât alone in considering giving a toddler up for adoption. Not true. Also, if you don't mind me asking, did the father know about the child? My husband has said repeatedly: ‘If I knew then what I know now…NO!’ Yet, I’ve never seen a better father… ever. I doubt they regretted it. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. Focus on science. My parents had done it, so could we. If you don't mind me asking, how did you get pregnant in the first place? We are still at a loss as to what to do. Birth mothers must wait at least 12 days after giving birth to give consent for adoption. My bio mom did it 5 times. And the thing about giving him up isnât that big of a deal to her because itâs not like Iâll actually do it. I had no regrets at all and I imagine life was much better for them in a 2 parent home with money that actually wanted them rather than being stuck with a poor single teenage mother that never wanted them and couldn't even take care of themself. It was the best decision I have ever made ― and that is the hardest thing for most people to understand. His mom is really cool about keeping us in contact. Despite the fact that it perpetuates inaccuracies about the adoption process and is a harmful phrase for all members of the adoption triad, the phrase âgiving a baby upâ continues to be used time and time again in adoption circles. This is an extremely tough question to answer. I won't name names because it's rude but know that women who adopted their children out and don't regret it do exist. Will you tell your son that he has a sibling? My son was 9 months old when my husband told me he was gay and left me. But when is the right time to do so? Giving Baby Up for Adoption - Articles "Giving a Baby Up" for Adoption is Giving an Incredible Life [Here's Why] 30 Reasons Why Women "Give a Child Up" for Adoption Why You Shouldn't Say "Give Up for Adoption" Benefits of Adoption 8 Important Adoption Rights You'll Have as a Birth Mother When Can You "Give a Child Up" for Adoption? I would absolutely recommend adoption to anyone who is thinking about adopting out their baby. If your child has special needs, you may feel that you cannot provide for him or her. My mom gave up a son for adoption when she was 16. He writes me a letter every year and I write back. I got to hold him afterwards and he had soft, downy dark hair and curled into me. And it makes holes that won't ever go away. Most states have a waiting period, to give you time to recover from the birth and not be under the influence of pain medication. Giving a child up for adoption isnât really giving up your child. He is ten years old and I only know him through the letters and photographs his family sends. By creating an adoption plan, you can be sure that your child grows up with exactly the life you imagine for a kid while still playing an important role in his or her life. But a part of me wonders sometimes if he misses me, even unconsciously and feels the same sense of loss. What's that like, and do these women have any regrets? My husband is sick of trying, but I need a happy pregnancy. What was your grandparents reactions to your mom giving the child up? Fathers that âgive upâ a child for adoption are not âgiving up.â They are not âweakâ or âirresponsible.â In fact, supporting the birth mother in her adoption plan is the most responsible thing you can do. Please tell me that that's not all true and there are many women who are perfectly fine and well adjusted after putting up their child for adoption. He's got the best parents I could have ever asked for. The site may not work properly if you don't, If you do not update your browser, we suggest you visit, Press J to jump to the feed. Do you still have contact with the adoptive family? I chose an open adoption sober have stayed in contact for 13 years. They can take longer if they need to. She was already 23 by this point but she had lost almost all of her adoptive family and was so happy to find her birth family. Here are a few of them. Learn more about the steps you will take when making an In jail of putting a 1-year-old up for adoption almost 2 something you... A mother does not seen him since I gave up a son for adoption isnât really giving on! Sometimes can get a little emotional about it family sends about adopting their! Writes me a letter every year and I get why they think that produced about. Giving her to the wrong people and went merrily on their way because was... 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